Stop looking! This isn't a story!

When I woke up around 10:30 last night, I flipped on the radio and listened in while Bill O'Fuckwit mouthed off about our torture of prisoners and how it's not a story anymore. His justification for it not being a story is that, supposedly, nobody wants to here about it.

Well, gee, if people listening is an apt measure of journalism these days, then I would like to ask Mr. O'Reilly to stick to his very own standards and resign. "The O'Reilly Factor" on Fox News hardly nets the ratings that a nightly newscast on NBC, ABC, or CBS. Hell, has Fox News even cracked 2 million viewers yet? Doesn't NPR's "All Things Considered" have millions of listeners every afternoon? I'm pretty sure an audience of that size puts the combined audience of all Fox News shows and O'Reilly's "Radio Factor" to shame. By O'Reilly's own standards, he should not only be off the air, but he should also rally against Fox News and try to get his job back at ABC. They still employ John Stossel, so I'm sure they have room for another dipshit. (Maybe they could ask O'Reilly to grow one of those stupid mustaches, a la Stossel, and that would just be funny.)

Of course, this isn't taking into account how most Americans pay attention to Hollywood, not the news. I hate to say it, but I'm sure there are more people in America who care more about seeing Britney Spears' tits than the news. So, furthering O'Reilly's "logic", if the media should only be concerned about what people are interested in, the main concern of all major news networks should now be getting a topless photo of Britney Spears to the public as quickly as possible. Britney's bust or bust!

Mr. O'Reilly, you asshole! I thought you were pro-family and pro-children!

Well, now that we got that out of the way, here's some real news. Because I know you'll listen, right? Right? Hey, stop imagining your lips around Britney's nipple and listen! Pervo. Here's what O'Reilly doesn't think this is a story.

In this undated still photo provided by The Washington Post on Friday, May 21, 2004, a hooded Iraqi detainee appears to be cuffed at the ankle chained to a door handle while being made to balance on two boxes at the Abu Ghraib prison on the outskirts of Baghdad. The Washington Post has obtained what it says are hundreds of photographs and short digital videos - as of yet unreleased - depicting U.S. soldiers physically and emotionally abusing detainees last fall in the Abu Ghraib prison. (AP Photo/Washington Post)

Remember, they don't think this is a story.