Newsmax.duh: Telling it like it is!

I'm browsing the headlines on Newsmax right now, seeing what those pesky conservatives are upto. What's important to them?

First headline: "Who Could Replace Cheney?" I suggest a midget. The GOP is going to need somebidy with smaller hands to control Bush, since the President seems to have become more of a tight ass these past four years.

What's next? "Senate Scuttles Marriage Amendment." They still claim the issue is "heating up elections." Everyone already knew there was no possible way this amendment would have gotten the 67 yeas it needed if it even went up for a vote in the Senate, so why doesn't Newsmax criticize the Senate Republican leadership for wasting tax payer dollars to legislate for purely political purposes? If the GOP insists upon using the Senate floor to campaign for Bush, can we get the FEC to halt Senate sessions?

Next up, "Bin Laden's Goal Is to Kill 4 Million Americans." That's it? I thought it was every single one of us, but now it's only 4 million. That's great! Maybe we'll push old OBL's hope to under a million by the end of the year!

After that rosy outlook comes this all important headline, "Pat Boone Answers America's Critics." Yes, because we all give a fuck about what Pat Boone thinks. What's ironic is how Newsmax always leads the charge against "Hollywood Idiots" who just happen to speak out against Republicans. But the minute a Hollywood idiot joins their side, it trumps the real news.

Case in point, the next headline: "Terrorists Kill Iraqi Governor; Car Bomb Kills 10." This is the biggest story of the day and it should have been on top, but Newsmax thinks Pat Boone is more important than a powerful car bomb in Baghdad and an Iraqi provincial being assassinated.

It's good to know where the priorities lie for this major bastion of the Republican media.