Lincoln's bulging crotch is definitely the problem

Jesus' General delivers a completely hetrosexual letter to Sec. of Interior Gale Norton and National Park Service Director Fran Mainella: "We must protect Honest Abe from leering homosexuals."

Once we take care of the problem at the Lincoln Memorial, we can start removing the other homosexual imagery that has become so prevalent in our government--things like the Forest Service's Smokey the Bear. We could replace him with a big burley lumberjack--I'm picturing a very hard, muscular, boyish yet manly looking man, shirtless and sweating from the exertion of felling long rough columns of mighty timber in the summer sun. He would be the perfect icon for our new forest policies.

Oh yeah, oh baby, oh.. Err, excuse me. Sorry.