An Open Letter to Ralph Nader

Dear Ralph,

Take your campaign donations from Swift Boat Vets and shove them straight up your ass. It's almost unfuckingbelievable to think about what an asshole you've become. You're lower than Democrats. You're lower than dog shit. Hell, you're even lower than the Republicans you're allowing to support your sorry ass.

I almost wish I went to see you speak at Brown yesterday. If I could have only come within spitting distance of your face...

When I heard on the radio that you were campaigning in RI, they played a short clip of your campaign coordinator here talking about how the Republicans and Democrats can't be trusted, so we need a third party. Is this supposed to be your position, Ralph? Do you truly, honestly believe this? I mean, if you're so pro-third party, then why aren't you running as a candidate for a third party? Why are you allowing your candidacy to destroy the Green Party?

Why are you running, Ralph? Do you get off upon seeing your name on the ballot? Are you only running because of your ego this time? Do you have any morals? Do you really, truly, honestly think that another term with Bush in office is preferable to a Kerry administration? Are you really this fucking stupid, Ralph?

Please, Ralph, take it from one of your most adamant supporters in 2000: Become the October Surprise. Quit.

(Nods to Capitola and feministe.)