Wrasslin'...
Last night, feeling dual needs of hunger and wanting to be disappointed in humanity, I went to Hooters. The all-you-can-eat wings were too greasy even for my well-refined junk food palette, and I sat facing the wall so I didn't get to see how the roomful of men treated the waitresses. I did, however, get to see a 400 lbs mans asscrack for half the night.

At 9pm, Hooters put WWE Raw on all the TVs, it was inescapable. My friend informed me that the 400 lbs man next to us tried hitting on their poor waitress after the wrasslin' started. The first thing he said was, "I like wrasslin'," you can imagine the accent in which he said it in. Surely he must of impressed the scanly clad waiteress with this line, he thought, so he moved in for the kill by telling the waitress that he could a WWE wrestlers ass. I was surprised about this statement, since after giving the man a couple looks, I don't fathom that he could lift his leg to anyones mid-section, nevermind doing it with force.

Meanwhile, I was a polite little man, saying "please" and "thank you" everytime our waiteress bought something out and feeling uncomfortable because I don't want to gawk, even though they bend over the tables and the tanktop doesn't leave much to the imagination.. It's still not polite to gawk, you know.

Back to the hot wrasslin' action. I noticed that on all the TVs in the manly restaurant were men wearing speedos, firm an cut with oiled bodies, grabbing at other like men in a ring in front of thousands of people. I started to wonder just what type of "manly" establishment I was in, but I didn't see any rainbows or pink triangles anywhere. But then WWE Raw got eight or so female wrestlers in the ring to duke it out, so I figured that made sense. Firm, scantly clad, well oiled females are what a group of supposedly straight men should be watching.

But.. The female wrestlers were fully clothed! Sure, it was sexy, tight fitting clothing, but clothing none the less! Unlike their male counterparts, they were not half naked and oiled up. What's up with that, huh? And this "sports" is supposed to be geared towards straight men?

Not that I have a problem with gay men. I don't even mind if one hits on me, at least I know that somebody is looking. But, being at Hooters where the focus is obviously on the titties and their patrons probably use words like "faggots" and "homos" as insults, I would expect some more hetro entertainment. How is history going to look upon this? I can imagine the Discovery Channel 3030 documentary: "In America, a society which was sexually repressed for religious reasons, the average male bonded by going to a restaurant which featured scantly clad waitresses and showed hot, oiled up men wearing only a modern day loin cloth around the crotch, rubbing their hands and bodies against each other." Oh yeah, that's perfectly normal stuff for a straight man to be watching. I think later generations would have at least expected the men to try bribing the waitresses into wrestling each other.

I don't think I'll be going to Hooters again. I need to protect my manhood.