Reasons why I should read my sister Melanie's blog more often

For posts like this:

Let me explain to you how cheap toilet paper and cheap paper towels are undermining the American economy.

1. If I have to use toilet paper that is half as good as it used to be, I spend twice as long in the bathroom, wiping my behind four times over with eight times the toilet paper, which by the way is sixteen times harsher than the good stuff and produces butt-abrasion, or as I call it, "repetitive overwipe injury" or "ROI" (probably not the same "ROI" that corporate accountants are shooting for).


2. All that t.p. is thirty-two times more likely to clog the pipes. Send in the plumber army. We may have to reinstitute the draft.


3. I waste time wondering if I need to start buying Puffs tissues or moist baby wipes so I can heal, get clean, and get back the time I am losing whilst abusing my derriere.


4. I then have to wash my hands and use two paper towels: one to squeegee off the moisture, and another to actually get my hands dry.


5. I then have to take a time out and put on hand lotion so I can heal from the splinters. While moisturizing, I multitask by considering whether I should go back to the john and lotion my butt.

I'm sorry people, but this can't be good for the bottom line.

ROI.. Classic. Thanks Mel. :)